Dinner went pretty well. Nice company and not too much food. But it feels like I binged big time! A whole meal seems soooo much... It seems like I've lost the joy I used to get from eating. Even when I restricted severely I loved the taste and feel of food. I even loved salad! Every little bite was heaven.

But now it's just something I have to do to seem normal to my fiancee and family. Something I have to do in order to stop feeling dizzy and confused all the time.

I still love cooking though. I do avoid tasting.

Maybe I'll try to fast tomorrow. Drink lemonjuice and water all day with some soluble fiber in it. If my body doesn't make me take a cup of soup with a slice of bread without me actively noticing. That happened today by the way, it was weird! I'm glad it was one cup of fresh home made vegetable soup with one slice of dark bread instead of the gigantic portion of cauliflower with cheese left over from yesterday. That's good, I would've eaten that first thing in the morning a couple of months ago. Progress!

The portion I ate tonight wasn't bad either. It was a normal-person-portion.

There will be weight gain or stagnation by the end of this week. Tomorrow we're eating all that's left over, thursday my friend comes over for a night of movies, bread cheese and wine, fridaynight I'm taking babygirl to my parents for dinner and in the weekends we always eat too much.

I'll make it a challenge to eat as little as possible. Stay focused, don't shove things in my mouth without thinking, and don't make it obvious! Fun.

Wish me luck!