I'm stuck. I willingly did this to myself with eyes wide open. Stupid. Like a deer in headlights too dumb to run away or even take one step. I deserve nothing better than this life. I hate this lack of self esteem. But the more I think about it, the more I see that it's just the truth. The fiancee can't wait to be out of the house and I have no friends because I'm a drag to be around. There is nothing inside me, I have nothing to say. Why would anyone listen to me and why do I even feel that they should?! Why do I keep asking people to go out and have a drink or something when I know they will say they already have plans or just not answer??! Why do I keep dragging the fiancee out when he clearly just wants to sit behind the computer and not have to spend time with a bore like me???!!! Why do I want to maybe find a job out of the house with actual colleagues when I know I never fit in anywhere and I'm not mentally strong enough for that???? Why don't I just realize that I'm not good for anything and none of that will ever happen and go crawl in a deep dark hole and stay there?????!!!!! Babygirl is the only one who loves me and she's not even old enough to see that her mom is just no good. Not even that. I'm nothing. I hope she will be a happy girl and woman with lots of friends who love her. I hope she will somehow learn to love herself. She won't get it from me. I hope that she'll still love me when she learns that her mom is a loser.