depressed

Why can't I just keep my big fat piehole shut!?

In terms of opening the thing up for food and more food and talking about how I feel. I want my fiancee to be honest about how he feels and what he thinks when it's relevant. People shouldn't bottle things up, it's not healthy. It took a while but now we can communicate about those things. So I tell him when I've been bingeing and when I'm depressed.
I shouldn't.
His reactions are meant well I know but he just doesn't understand and doesn't even try to understand. Whatever his reaction is, it'll push me further down in the hole I dug myself into.

My life is nothing! I love my daughter with all my heart, I love love love LOVE her she's my Babygirl! But I don't want to live my life through her. That's too much pressure for both of us. She'll end up like me if I do that. But I don't know what to do to be happy? I work from home, I love my job but only the job. As for the rest, hate it. It's lonely and boring and not stimulating at all. I chose for this. I chose it because it's all I can do, it's all I know. It's all I'll ever know! I chose it because I don't believe I can learn to do anything else and it's all I deserve.

I can't handle life lately. I can't handle playing the part like everyone else seems to do so easily. I want to do something else, to be something else. But it will never be so. Blech!